Sunday, January 23, 2011
Movement (myspace blog entry)
There are events in time that stand out. Like the name and handprints of a child permanently marked in cement, certain moments will be forever engraved in your mind. And these moments may grow less intense, may not appear as vivid, but they remain. Hours and days and years pass, but they are always there. Always with you, these milestones. These markers of a memory you cannot escape. Each passing tick of the clock moves you further away, yet you return. You mark your progress against them. They are as etched into you as you are in them. Like the waves of the ocean, the movement of time pushes you further away, and then pulls you back. Its always there, that moment. It won't let you forget it.
A Spotting of an Ex
I saw you today. With your new family. What did you think when you caught a glimpse of me? Were you taken back to a moment in time when I used to be yours? Did your breath catch in your throat for a second as you recalled any one of a thousand secret intimate moments we shared together? I bet she doesn't know my name or anything about me. I'm sure you've managed to keep so much of me locked away in your memories - a safe place where no one would ever go. Do I float into your thoughts when certain songs play on your radio? Or when you view certain shows we would watch together on our 'date nights'? I wonder.....
What I thought when I saw you....very simple. There is someone I used to love to the point of madness. Someone I believed I could not breathe without, a person who I would surely die and melt away should he find another. Well, I didn't die, I didn't even shudder when the news was passed along to me. I didn't shed a tear for you. I merely said "well, that's nice". Bet you didn't know I had more strength than you ever imagined. That I was able to move past you, to function in a way I never imagined was possible. In fact, today I simply thought "I hope he's found happiness." And then I went about my day and dismissed even seeing you. Sometimes it is just that easy to let go....
What I thought when I saw you....very simple. There is someone I used to love to the point of madness. Someone I believed I could not breathe without, a person who I would surely die and melt away should he find another. Well, I didn't die, I didn't even shudder when the news was passed along to me. I didn't shed a tear for you. I merely said "well, that's nice". Bet you didn't know I had more strength than you ever imagined. That I was able to move past you, to function in a way I never imagined was possible. In fact, today I simply thought "I hope he's found happiness." And then I went about my day and dismissed even seeing you. Sometimes it is just that easy to let go....
Dogs in Snow
Just some random action shots of the Hounds of Baskerville as they enjoy some time in the snow.....
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Self(ish) portraits
A few self photos in the last days at our old apartment. Notice the toothpaste flecks on the mirror giving the illusion of snow....ha ha. Perhaps someone should have cleaned first? (The third photo is actually from New Years Eve - I just tossed it in for good measure.)
A Golf Outing
Pictures from a day of golfing by Scott....I tagged along to keep him company and in the process took advantage of a fantastic photo op. (Scroll over highlighted link below, you will be redirected to my facebook photo album.)
A Golf Outing
A Golf Outing
Photo project
Pretty explanitory....these are some of my first photos I took with my new Canon Rebel last fall. Enjoy!
(Again, to see the photos mouse over the highlighted words below - you will then be directed to my facebook page where the album is located - I will upload them here later.)
Photo project
(Again, to see the photos mouse over the highlighted words below - you will then be directed to my facebook page where the album is located - I will upload them here later.)
Photo project
I went for a walk in the woods to clear my head.....
To see the photos I took one afternoon, click the link below (just scroll your mouse over the highlighted link below - you will be redirected to my facebook page where the album is located.)
I went for a walk in the woods to clear my head.....
I went for a walk in the woods to clear my head.....
A Bittersweet Valentine (a writing project)
It's the cursed St Valentine's Day (or, as I fondly refer to it - St Valentine's Day massacre). Perfect timing for seeing the greatest love of my life sauntering down the sidewalk towards me - I'm caught. His face lights up, like it always does when he sees me, and for a brief moment that old pang takes over my senses.
"Hello kitten," he greets me like no time has passed, like we are still in the throes of love. As if he could just say those words and whisk me off to a warm and comfortable place I missed with an ache that wouldn't quit. But he couldn't, because we had moved on. He'd found another and married her. And I, well I had just found a succession of lame replacements to the man I knew had been 'the one'. Today, of all days, to see that radiating smile. Those magnetic hazel eyes....it was if fate had saved this particular slap in the face for my most vulnerable moment.
Two years previous, on this most celebrated holiday of lovers, he had proposed to me. And I had turned him down. I said no to that warm comfortable place I had called mine for so long. I just wasn't ready for that much commitment, because of past indiscretions of past lovers. He never gave me a reason to doubt him, but my vulnerable and raw self was just not able to accept his offerings. And so I had broken his heart and left him holding his future in a velvet box. He had moved on and found someone who was ready. But at this moment, hearing his voice and seeing that smile, I forget all of that and find myself in his embrace. And the smell of him, the way I fit so perfectly in his arms, reminds me of all that I lost. All that I willingly let go. Fresh tears arise and I can do nothing. I've lost a battle within myself. At this precise moment, I would give anything to return to that space of time two years ago and say YES! But time doesn't work out like that, and some mistakes never stop hurting.
"Hello kitten," he greets me like no time has passed, like we are still in the throes of love. As if he could just say those words and whisk me off to a warm and comfortable place I missed with an ache that wouldn't quit. But he couldn't, because we had moved on. He'd found another and married her. And I, well I had just found a succession of lame replacements to the man I knew had been 'the one'. Today, of all days, to see that radiating smile. Those magnetic hazel eyes....it was if fate had saved this particular slap in the face for my most vulnerable moment.
Two years previous, on this most celebrated holiday of lovers, he had proposed to me. And I had turned him down. I said no to that warm comfortable place I had called mine for so long. I just wasn't ready for that much commitment, because of past indiscretions of past lovers. He never gave me a reason to doubt him, but my vulnerable and raw self was just not able to accept his offerings. And so I had broken his heart and left him holding his future in a velvet box. He had moved on and found someone who was ready. But at this moment, hearing his voice and seeing that smile, I forget all of that and find myself in his embrace. And the smell of him, the way I fit so perfectly in his arms, reminds me of all that I lost. All that I willingly let go. Fresh tears arise and I can do nothing. I've lost a battle within myself. At this precise moment, I would give anything to return to that space of time two years ago and say YES! But time doesn't work out like that, and some mistakes never stop hurting.
Warhol Article (written for a client 2010)
Pop Art. Andy Warhol, the man responsible for introducing this new take on art to the world. Taking common every day images and putting a new spin on them is just one of many forms of art Warhol was involved with. Media works such as silk screening, film, television and publishing were other forms of his creative outlets. Very talented and visionary, Warhol also did illustrating for magazines and advertising, as well as designing covers for vinyl records. Every day items, such as Campbell’s soup cans, paper money and Cocoa Cola bottles became points of inspiration for Warhol's silk screen Pop Art. Paintings of celebrities of his time were also part of this movement: one that is still widespread in today’s art world. Such celebrity icons as Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Pressley, Elizabeth Taylor and many others have been forever emblazoned in our minds from Warhol’s distinct take on the world as he saw it.
Andy Warhol, still to this day, is a cultural icon in his own right. Known in America for his wide social circle and eccentric ways, he became a person who was well revered and eventually even reached international celebrity. Warhol’s' reign in the art world began in the fifties, with his first art show in 1952. Warhol continued producing art well into the seventies. His sway continued into the eighties. Warhol was born in Pennsylvania in 1928, and died after a routine surgery on his gallbladder in 1987. One of his last projects in eighty-six was an MTV show titled "Fifteen Minutes". Warhol coined the phrase "Fifteen minutes of fame" a catch phrase still used widely in today’s communication.
While there is much more to be said of his work, there is little doubt that Warhol is still considered a very influential presence in today’s art world. His life’s work is housed in a museum in his hometown of Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. Could he have known that his art would still be prevalent today, or that he would have his own edifice to showcase his works? One can only speculate, but Warhol would surely be pleased to know that his 'fifteen minutes' are still alive and ticking.
Andy Warhol, still to this day, is a cultural icon in his own right. Known in America for his wide social circle and eccentric ways, he became a person who was well revered and eventually even reached international celebrity. Warhol’s' reign in the art world began in the fifties, with his first art show in 1952. Warhol continued producing art well into the seventies. His sway continued into the eighties. Warhol was born in Pennsylvania in 1928, and died after a routine surgery on his gallbladder in 1987. One of his last projects in eighty-six was an MTV show titled "Fifteen Minutes". Warhol coined the phrase "Fifteen minutes of fame" a catch phrase still used widely in today’s communication.
While there is much more to be said of his work, there is little doubt that Warhol is still considered a very influential presence in today’s art world. His life’s work is housed in a museum in his hometown of Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. Could he have known that his art would still be prevalent today, or that he would have his own edifice to showcase his works? One can only speculate, but Warhol would surely be pleased to know that his 'fifteen minutes' are still alive and ticking.
Syllabus, please.
Sometimes I wonder when I became an adult. I wasn't really given a memo for this grand occasion. To be quite frank, I don't *feel* like an adult. By this I simply mean, I don't know exactly how I am supposed to behave. Or dress. Or what particular protocol I am supposed to adhere to. However, the fear of mid-life crisis is slowly encroaching - and I'm starting to question all aspects of my life. Why can't life come with a syllabus or a manual? Yes, that would be superb. Then I wouldn't have to wonder if I was far ahead of schedule or falling far, far behind.
So, could someone please explain to me just what exactly I am supposed to be doing as the dawn of another birthday is soon upon me? Am I heading in the right direction or simply stuck in mire of denial? Hmmmm, things to ponder on a rainy and chilly Tuesday......
So, could someone please explain to me just what exactly I am supposed to be doing as the dawn of another birthday is soon upon me? Am I heading in the right direction or simply stuck in mire of denial? Hmmmm, things to ponder on a rainy and chilly Tuesday......
{March 23, 2010}
Partial
This is part of a poem I had written years ago - my boyfriend took the last stanza to put on his social media page. That brings me more joy than I can put into words! Here it is:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
They ask you as a child.
All I ever wanted to be was free.
"When are you ever going to grow up?"
They ask me now.
When I become free.
~JMA
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
They ask you as a child.
All I ever wanted to be was free.
"When are you ever going to grow up?"
They ask me now.
When I become free.
~JMA
Not a Night at the Roxbury
3am and the phone won't stop ringing. Who could possibly be calling repeatedly at this ungodly hour? I finally am able to focus enough to answer and hear a voice I haven't heard in a long time.
"Hey, I need your help... you're the only one who can calm me down!" This is what he was trying to say, fortunately I was familar with 'drunkenese' & had no trouble decyphering the slurred jumble of words that tumbled out of the phone. It had been months since we last spoke - not due to a falling out, but simply a falling into a routine that no longer left time for regualr communication. Until tonight.
I was afraid to ask what was happening...there was a lot of yelling and sounds of violence in the background. I tried to get his attention, to no avail. I could tell there was some sort of fight - he and another person but I couldn't quite make out the full details. Suddenly the phone went silent. I called back numerous times, but it went straight to voicemail. I finally went back to sleep, deciding to call again in the morning after he'd had time to sleep it off. And keep my digits crossed he didn't end up in jail.
The next morning I still could not reach him. We lived hours apart, in different cities. I called mutual friends, but no one had seen him. By this time, I'm starting to panic - where was he?? I started receiving reports from our friends that his car was missing, he was missing and his apartment door had been kicked completely off it's hinges. The situation, at this point, was not looking favorable for our friend. Unfortunately, I had to get to work and begged to be kept in the information loop.
Four hours later, he was found at the ER. His car and phone had been abscounded by a hitchiker he had randomly picked up at a convenience store the night before. Apparently, some sort of skirmish had broke out and the hitchiker had been asked to leave - to which he responded hours later with kicking in the door, stealing the keys and phone from my friend, who at this point was passed out. To this day, no one is sure how or why he ended up in the ER. Our best guess is that upon waking, he was convinced he had been robbed and beaten (there were some scrapes and bruises on his person - obviously from the hitchiker - or a drunk tumble into a wall) and had enough sense to get himself to some sort of safe haven. His car & phone were later returned - and a lesson was learned from all of this nonsense....no matter how 'nice' someone may seem, hitchikers should be left on the corner.
**Loosely based on true events as told to me by my friend C.R.**
"Hey, I need your help... you're the only one who can calm me down!" This is what he was trying to say, fortunately I was familar with 'drunkenese' & had no trouble decyphering the slurred jumble of words that tumbled out of the phone. It had been months since we last spoke - not due to a falling out, but simply a falling into a routine that no longer left time for regualr communication. Until tonight.
I was afraid to ask what was happening...there was a lot of yelling and sounds of violence in the background. I tried to get his attention, to no avail. I could tell there was some sort of fight - he and another person but I couldn't quite make out the full details. Suddenly the phone went silent. I called back numerous times, but it went straight to voicemail. I finally went back to sleep, deciding to call again in the morning after he'd had time to sleep it off. And keep my digits crossed he didn't end up in jail.
The next morning I still could not reach him. We lived hours apart, in different cities. I called mutual friends, but no one had seen him. By this time, I'm starting to panic - where was he?? I started receiving reports from our friends that his car was missing, he was missing and his apartment door had been kicked completely off it's hinges. The situation, at this point, was not looking favorable for our friend. Unfortunately, I had to get to work and begged to be kept in the information loop.
Four hours later, he was found at the ER. His car and phone had been abscounded by a hitchiker he had randomly picked up at a convenience store the night before. Apparently, some sort of skirmish had broke out and the hitchiker had been asked to leave - to which he responded hours later with kicking in the door, stealing the keys and phone from my friend, who at this point was passed out. To this day, no one is sure how or why he ended up in the ER. Our best guess is that upon waking, he was convinced he had been robbed and beaten (there were some scrapes and bruises on his person - obviously from the hitchiker - or a drunk tumble into a wall) and had enough sense to get himself to some sort of safe haven. His car & phone were later returned - and a lesson was learned from all of this nonsense....no matter how 'nice' someone may seem, hitchikers should be left on the corner.
**Loosely based on true events as told to me by my friend C.R.**
An Explanation of Projects
A little note about my writing projects: I have been doing exercises from Writer's Digest to kick start my creative flow. As you may notice in my previous posts (and will see in future posts) I will have a writing project in parantheses to let you know that these pieces aren't for an article assignment, but simply just to see what I can create. Pieces that are for clients will be noted as such. I plan to rummage around my old work and tweak them, then share here for your reading pleasure. I haven't entered any contests in years, but think maybe after I get back in the groove I may start again!
~JMA
~JMA
But what does it mean?
I've thought about setting up about 20 different blogs. Yes, at least. I get all these great ideas in my head and want to share with the world....and then things change. Or something takes my focus away. Or numerous other excuses I could make. So, I decided to get back to at least one of them. I do writing. I do some photography. People want to see/read both - though not simultaneously. Well, that's too bad because I'm putting up both types of work here on this blog. Some posts will feature my writing, some my photography. Feel free to lurk around and enjoy and critique. I (think) can take it!
But what does Jen Squared mean? you may ask. Originally, I had a far different concept of what I wished for this little blog. Life had other plans. So, I'll tell you this: sometimes I feel like there are two sides to me. That would make two of me...or, Jen Squared. I hope you enjoy my creativity and my sauciness. They sort of go together hand in hand - if you will.
But what does Jen Squared mean? you may ask. Originally, I had a far different concept of what I wished for this little blog. Life had other plans. So, I'll tell you this: sometimes I feel like there are two sides to me. That would make two of me...or, Jen Squared. I hope you enjoy my creativity and my sauciness. They sort of go together hand in hand - if you will.
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